I feel like a slab of meat
I was visiting Seattle from Victoria, BC with a friend for a nice weekend to take in a live podcast taping and see some of the sites. It was a Saturday in the early evening when we went to the Starbucks. There was a large group of men taking up most of the sidewalk around the whole Starbucks. We walked to what we thought was an entrance and had to double back to another entrance. That’s when I heard an agressive shout of “Hey, Hey, Hey!” from behind us as we walked to the entrance. The first “Hey” I thought the guy was talking to someone else a friend maybe. But, I realized he was following us and yelling at me. He followed up by making comments about my breasts as he followed us. Things like “I’ve got to have those double d’s.” I moved faster and quickly my friend and I made it into the Starbucks. I never even saw the person. It went from my friend and I chatting as we walked to get coffee to a dangerous unsafe situation simply because we were there.
I am an easy target for men because I do have larger breasts that no matter what I wear I’m not able to hide. I shouldn’t feel the need to hide them either. I feel like a target and sexualized by strangers through their stares and comments because of a part of my body.
It’s disgusting and frustrating. I feel afraid, disgusting, like a slab of meat, like my worth is being based on parts of my body and not who I am as a human being. 2 days later I still feel a depression over me. I couldn’t walk around today without being suspicious of every man around. Is that guy staring at my chest? Is that guy going to say something as I walk past him? I am shocked and sometimes fear for my safety so I say nothing. It leaves me feeling even more like the victim when I didn’t scream and yell. But, I know I did the right thing. If I had turned around to confront that man I am sure I would have been sexually assaulted and not just sexually harrased. Many days from now I may be a little less suspicious of every man on the street. But, the new mental scar from this encounter will remain and will be added to the others and I’m sure will be soon joined by more.